Romantic Pursuit

This day has been weird.

Like you know those days where you can’t place your finger on what mood you’re in, or what you want to do, or need to get done? One of those. Where you feel extremely productive, and at the same time like a complete failure. Where you are so proud of yourself for how far you’ve come and how much it took you to get there, but so down and out because you have no idea where to go next.

I’ve been harping on a close friend these past few weeks about learning to trust our Savior in hard times. His sense of humor never fails to amaze me. Ha. Good one, God.

We as humans like to say we completely trust God’s plan for our lives. We also like to tell people what to do and not take our own advice… aaand that’s where I am. The Lord knows full well I can talk and give advice for hours and not take my own medicine. Hence said humor. Now where’s my teaspoon?

This past Sunday was Orphan Sunday at church… which, hello, my fav. All I know is I shouldn’t have worn mascara. The talk about adoption, orphans, and people in need didn’t last very long before the main sermon, and quite frankly that frustrated me. I wanted to hear more, I wanted more people to hear. And not until very recently… like 5 minutes ago, maybe 4, did I make the connection. Sometimes the Lord let’s you figure it out on your own… and I happen to be one of His slower cases.

For the next 45 minutes we studied Luke 9:23, which says this, “Then He (being Jesus) said to the crowd, ‘If any of you wants to be My follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow Me.'” In another version of the Bible “follow Me” translates to “come after Me” – which so beautifully translates to romantic pursuit. We always forget that the Lord wants to be our forever Love. We search for so much love in other places, but it doesn’t get us anywhere. Pastor Brad said, ” A Romantic Love compels us to break barriers to get to the ones we love.” I love that. He said that breaking barriers is permission to get carried away. Have you ever met anyone so in love with something or someone that they seem a little bit crazy? My obsession with my dog, for example. That’s what that means.

Maybe you don’t see the connection yet… and maybe it will be different for everyone. I was too busy being upset that we didn’t talk more about the poor, to notice that all along- we did. Well, we talked about loving the Lord with such intensity that it might compel you to do whatever you need to do to be His follower. In my case, take care of those who have less than me.

Following Jesus isn’t as scary as people think it is. To some people it’s a no-brainer. And to others it seems like a lifelong a struggle to believe. The awesome thing is, there is no risk of rejection in Christ. Maybe breaking barriers means doing the things we’ve been too afraid to do, but know will lead us to the gift God has waiting. When we’ve been captivated by the love of the Lord, nothing can stop us from doing what we need to do, ya know? I hope you’ve gotten to know how cool that feels.

I don’t always have to know what I am going to do next, I just need to know who I’m going to do it for. It’s okay not to know. That’s part of that whole trust thing my Father is so hilariously teaching me.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite verses, which also happens to fit perfectly.
It’s from James, which is also my favorite book. Yay, so practical! (Wait, me, practical?)

James 1:27 “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”

Don’t stop pursuing Him, no matter what it takes. Cause I mean, He has never stopped pursuing us…

We do crazy things when we’re in Love.

Child-like Everything.

Happy. Weird. Fun. Loving. Spontaneous. Curious. Quirky. Peaceful. Growing. Confident. Hopeful.

Blessed. Overwhelmed.

You could say these are just a few of the words I could use to describe my life right now.
But mostly overwhelmed. In the most breathtaking way. I don’t know if it’s the place I’m in, the people I’ve chosen to surround myself with, the love I’m trying to give and so blessed to receive… but GOSH, my life is so overwhelming and in the best way possible.

I am so beyond grateful for the life my God has given me, and everything, good and bad, that has lead up to these moments. I feel like I’ve waited my whole life to feel like this.

When a young child walks into a room they have not ever been into, there is a sense of urgency in their soul. Urgency to see, touch, feel, hear, taste, learn, watch, and connect with everything. Kids are so curious, always wanting to further their knowledge of the things they don’t know. Our Lord commanded us to live with child-like faith, did He not? Lately my eyes have been opened to be able to understand the pureness of a child’s soul and mind when she is intrigued with something she does not know. And I love it. I feel so confident that this is how I was made to live my life. I have such a joy and enthusiasm about life that I didn’t have even a week ago. It’s so incredible how our God changes things for His glory, Amen?

This weekend is graduation for all my friends little brothers. Cra-zy. It makes me feel old. But not really, because I’ll never grow up.

Katelyn’s family is in town for her little brother Austin’s graduation tomorrow, and just a bit ago they were over here seeing the house and hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. Kate’s little cousin, Haley, was here as well. That little girl can’t be more than 2 1/2. But even meeting and spending like 20 minutes with her I was just so engrossed with her laughter, it made me want to laugh. It was contagious.

Kids are contagious. No, not just those snot rocket sniffles they spread everywhere. But their laughter, their love, their lack of judgement. They love with reckless abandon, and it is absolutely gorgeous. That’s why the Lord asked us for a child-like faith. Everything is so much easier when you are constantly trusting someone else to make your decisions. I think we forget the comfort we can find in handing everything over to someone else. To someone else who already knows what to do, or what’s going to happen, or what the answer is. All of this still blows my mind.

If this ever stops being fascinating to me then I have failed in having the curious, accepting, abundant faith of a child. I pray that never happens.

Let’s be like Haley, laughing just because Bentley’s tail brushed by her shoulder. It is with the utmost joy that we should feel every little brush, touch, kiss, and whisper that our King gifts to us throughout our days.

Soak it in. Eyes wide open so you don’t miss a single thing.

The Love of a Fighter.

First. Watch this.

Now. Listen to this while you read.

So. Many. Emotions. Being a girl sucks.

Actually I love it. Boys are too smelly. Plus we don’t sweat, we sparkle. And that’s pretty cool.

If you have kept up with anything I’ve been doing lately (which… no one does), you might know that my cousins have been missing for the past week. And by missing, I mean no one knew where they were or where to even start looking.
Let’s take a step back. I’ve been trying to contact them for 5 years now. But since I moved back to Knoxville, I feel like I’ve kicked it up a notch. And because they only live 45 minutes away, it’s so easy. Knock on their door, leave letters and notes where they could find them, call, email, sit on the porch until the neighbors get creeped out. I’ve felt like I have been doing everything in my power to fight for them.

We used to be best, best friends.
When we were little we would run around Mama’s house and climb trees, build leaf forts, and write, practice and preform plays that were sure to make us celebrities one day. I also remember the very day I realized I wasn’t 8 anymore and couldn’t climb my favorite tree. I’ll admit that wasn’t my best day.

When we were older we would write songs and sing at the top of our lungs in Mama’s sunroom. Never mind that the whole family was trying to have Thanksgiving dinner in the next room. We were going to be famous for goodness sake.

We were so fun.

Then we grew up… And apart for that matter.

They were, and always will be my family, but for some reason we didn’t keep in touch for the few years between then and now. And I regret that. Maybe I could have changed everything. Maybe I could have prevented all of this. Maybe things would be different.

When I moved back I started visiting at a least once if not twice a month. I’ve done that for almost a year now, and wish I had started sooner. But not one time did anyone answer that front door. But something made me keep going back.

Something good this way comes.

Tonight I spoke with April and Amanda for the first time in five years. I use the word ‘spoke’ loosely because it was mostly broken words between sobs and snorts. I have been praying through what feels like every waking moment for the Lord to bring them home. And not home, in the physical sense. Home to me, to my family, to their dad, to Love. To Comfort. To Peace. To the satisfying, unequivocal, unfaltering, incomparable fighting power of our Holy. Lord. God. Almighty. (Oh law, I’m gettin’ worked up…)

He FIGHTS for us! Did you hear me??

FIGHTS!!! It’s a hold the phone, pause the movie, stop everything, who’s touching my robe in this crowd of 2,000 people kind of Love!! It’s ridiculous! We so don’t deserve it. And just as the Lord gave me the push to keep fighting for my cousins, He pushes so much harder to be the Savior of your soul and mine.

I felt so discouraged because I didn’t do enough. Because I wasn’t mounting up to enough. Because I couldn’t say enough to make them notice or want to see me. But if that ain’t the devil I don’t know what is!

I didn’t know how the Lord was going to use all of this in my heart until today. And although I am, in fact, still wallowing in a glass case of emotion, I know this to be true: The Lord is my FIGHTER. Yeeeeahhh buddy! There is SO much joy in that it’s ridic. (Bear with me, it’s getting late.)

I think I am so big and independent, but truth is, I need someone to fight for me. We all do. I thought all that fighting I was doing was for nothing. But it totally wasn’t. And I see that now.
I can’t wait to start this new life with my beautiful family that I’ve missed so much. They are the Lord’s. They are protected. They are loved. They are safe.

All these things are true for you too. Every waking moment, every sleeping breath, He’s fighting for your life. Gosh, that’s a big bite to chew. He brings us home, to where we belong.

His Love never fails. Go to sleep wrapped up in that comfort, friends.

My Grown Up Christmas List.

Yeah, yeah. I know it’s not Christmas. But I do love Christmas. And Amy Grant. I remember being little and sobbing to that song in the back of our mini van on the way to school every morning. But I also love the Summer. And being tan. Actually I like Spring and Fall the best. Oh and fireworks. I like those too.

(How did I get to fireworks?) 

Whatever.

I am pretty sure the year I lived in Arizona I forgot it was my own birthday until I got a package from my family. But apparently that’s not allowed anymore. Because I live with Katelyn, and birthdays are a big deal around here. So I’ve decided to start early. There’s nothing cool about turning 22, so I figure it needs to be celebrated for like… 2 weeks. Yeah?

I also decided to commence the celebrating with a wish list. Now. Obviously these are just wishes, but that’s still fun, right?

In no particular order:

IKEA.

I know High Point, NC is supposed to be the furniture capital of the world or something… but until I see it I’m sticking with IKEA. The Disney World Mecca Kings Island Harrod’s of furniture stores. I could cry thinking about the fact that the closest one to me is about 2-3 hours away. I could also grieve the fact that I didn’t take advantage of the one I had in Arizona. My secret dream is to get locked inside of one overnight. But I think I am going to take a special birthday trip to the nearest location and gawk at the beautiful interior design and small little trinkets I don’t need but desperately want. Well… I kind of need a couch.

iPro Lenses.

This thing is amazing. Sadly, my iPhone takes better pictures then my “real” camera… Boo. But also. AWESOME. (Technology these days…)

Anything kitchen.

I mean, since I’m obsessed with cooking now… Every girl can always use more kitchen things right? And paintings.

Honestly, I don’t have that great of a wish list. Maybe all I want for my birthday is to figure out what the HECK I am supposed to be doing with my life. But for now I’ll spend it with my best friends, family, and my lil boy Bentley.

Seriously, look at that face.

His picture is bigger because I love him the most. (Or because I didn’t know how to make it smaller.) And that’s Kate’s sweet little LanaRae behind him… I don’t know how they are so precious together.

All I really need is the amazing community I’ve been blessed with, my incredible family, the open road (I’m not kidding), and my sweet Daddy and Prince of Peace.

But who doesn’t like a neat Rolex, eh?

Happy almostnotthereyetbutreallyclosekinda birthday week to me!

Full House.

I LOVE having a full house.

Growing up, our door was always open. I am thankful for that.

Katelyn and I had a little girl sleepover last night in my room. Okay I just lied. We actually had a grandma sleepover because I honestly passed out about 10 minutes into whatever movie we were watching. Anyways, this morning Kate and I swapped stories, walked to Kroger because we were out of coffee, and started breakfast- all before 8:30 am. 8:30 people. By 9:30 I had a full kitchen table and one on the way. And I was dishin’ out crepes like there was no tomorrow. (Yes, I convinced everyone they were craving crepes just so I had an excuse to have one. Cha-ching!) I love that fact that people feel comfortable enough in my home to walk in the front door and open the fridge, or help themselves to a cup of coffee and a seat at the dining room table. LOVE IT. I think one of the reasons I’ve been cooking so much lately is because to me it’s a way to bring the people I love together.

One of my love languages is quality time. So to have a full, loud, laughing house is so fun to me. It fills my soul and in a sense- refuels me.

I think God wants this for us. I imagine my mansion in Heaven won’t have any locks, so anyone can come and go as they please. It pleases the Lord to see us in good, healthy community. Granted, it is so hard to find sometimes, but so worth the wait.

Last Wednesday was Katelyn’s 21st birthday!

We’ve decided that she looks older. Don’t you think? I am so stinkin’ thankful for this woman. I couldn’t even begin to count the amount of character traits I’ve learned from her. Patience. Joy. Kindness. Acceptance. Joy. Love. Confidence. Joy. Forgiveness. Did I say joy? Such a blessing that I’ve gotten to build a friendship with this amazing woman of God. I am so proud to call her my friend. I challenge you to find anyone in this world more joyful than Katelyn Cooper. Really. We are doing a bible study on joy together right now, but honestly I’m the one who needs it most. I thank God daily for this lifelong friendship!

What would it look like if not only our physical homes, but the metaphorical home in our heart was always filled with good community? What would it look like to invite someone in that you wouldn’t normally consider? Someone that isn’t like you?

It is such a beautiful day here.
I’m off to enjoy it!

-tay

Jetlag.

Oh, what a wonderful thing.

I’d like to be able to tell you that I really am not that tired and that I think I’m just about back on track… but I know as soon as I say something like that I will fall on the floor and pass out. But really- the jet lag was worse going than coming home.

Incredible. Fantastic. Blessed. A beautiful life.
There are so many ways to describe the trip we were just able to take. It was amazing. I am so proud of my family. Even though I could sob through a whole box (and then some) of tissues thinking about how I am missing my little bros and sis grow up, I am so amazed each time we get together at how much they’ve grown.

On Easter Sunday we had the privilege of visiting Hillsong Paris for church. Holy moly it was amazing. Ministry like that speaks to my heart so strongly. They did the service in both English and French, but even if they hadn’t, the presence of the Lord was so settled like the heaviest fog that I think we still would have understood. It was so beautiful to stand among people who didn’t even speak your language but could connect with you on a deeper level than some of the people I know who do speak my language. Of course it was Hillsong, so there was worship, and it was incredible, then some drama, and intertwined teaching and communion. But after all of that, right before we were dismissed, we reached across the aisles and held hands with the people beside us for the last prayer. I was on the end of the aisle, so the girl standing behind/beside me was about my age and, from what I could tell, didn’t speak one word of English, but it was so super cool to stand beside her and hold her hand and literally feel the Holy Spirit move through us. I almost gave her a hug after we said Amen, but I don’t know if they have personal space bubbles in France.

Unfortunately, plenty of crepes, metros, and a Mona Lisa later, it was time to go home. Boo. The last few days in Paris were so beautiful! And by beautiful I am referring to the company and culture and events that took place, because weather-wise, it was quite crappy. But we still had fun with inside-out umbrellas and 5 layers on!

This whole trip was a ridiculous privilege and blessing. If we never get to do anything like this again, we’ll all be happy that we at least did it once. It is something we’ll remember forever. I can’t wait to get pictures printed and I know Momma’s looking forward to a coffee table picture book. Woot!

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Now, for more coffee to cure my jet lag.

Le Clé.

HOLY culture shock. I don’t remember having this much trouble last time I came here. Maybe I had practiced more French then? It was probably the fact that our tour guide was fluent so we, the students, didn’t really have to talk to anyone. Goodness, it’s so much different than it was. It’s definitely a lot more of an adventure. I mean, who knows what I am saying to them?? All I hear is, “Flu de la splew, pa tu ploof bla blu….” (Just think Joey on Friends- that’s the extent of my understanding.) And they probably think I’m just an American idiot.

Either way-

We are in PARIS!! WooHoo! And even though we spent our day dragging our suitcases on and off the Metro, wandering through the streets like lost puppies, and piecing French words together to try and order dinner… we are finally in our beautiful, cozy flat ready to pass out and get good sleep for another adventure tomorrow!

But we did get to see a couple of pretty cool things today…

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Bonne nuit, friends.

Safro Day 2/3.

Well… we just got back inside from a complete building evacuation. Which is ironic because Anna Grace had just finished our devotion about God being in control. Time to put that faith to good use, eh? But no fear, it was just a prank. A dumb prank that made Ma get out of the bathtub, Anna Grace and I miss the end of Extreme Home Makeover, and Grayson only get to halfway finish shaving.

#firstworldproblems

But for real, it was pretty fun and exciting. There were fire trucks and everything…

…Okay maybe just one.

Yesterday we had afternoon tea at the Tate Modern. The last time I was here in London, our group went to the Tate… Normal? and everyone was ranting and raving about how much better the Modern was. I will say, it was really cool and creative, but good gracious, the things they call art these days. And I am even a lover and appreciator of art. But come on… a pile of poop? I think that’s pushing it.
We left from there and found a little store called Full of Joy, we liked that.
That night we saw Les Miserables. I think the number of members in our family who cried like a baby and those who didn’t was about 50/50.  I’m not gonna lie to you, I voted to go see Thriller. But it was outvoted by the show I thought was going to be so boring. But it wasn’t. It was amazing. And encouraging. And hopeful. And also sad. You could say we were all in a glass case of emotion. And Daniel Jones, if by some weird coincidence you are reading this, Ma said this definitely reminded her of you and she was sure you would love it. But whether you’re Daniel, or anyone else, we highly recommend seeing this show as soon as possible.

Oh also, on our walk to the Tube after grabbing some pizza, we witnessed a bar fight… outside the bar. Schaaweet! Kinda freaked me out a little.

This morning we slept in then made our way to Harrods- the shopping Mecca of the universe.

I am telling you, sensory overload. It’s ridiculous. I would recommend a 24 unscheduled hours, a shopping list, loads of cash, and maybe two Advil. Maybe. But it’s so much fun to walk around and just look at everything. It makes you wish you had the time to see it all. And to taste all the food. One of the floors in particular is dedicated to all of their different foods. So. Many. Amazing. Smells. Gosh. I wanted to eat everything all at once. I didn’t even care about the art of mixing flavors and cleansing your palate. I think we were all feeling that way, so we decided to look for a sit down restaurant outside of Harrods where we could sort-of pull ourselves together. We ended up at a little Italian hole in the wall called Signor Sassi, which happened to be what I think was the best food we could of found in London. It was amazing, and the service was incredible. They were so kind to us. And one of the men there had just moved back to London from Miami, FL. Whadaya know.

When we thought we had refueled enough on pasta and cappuccino, we crossed back over the street to head back into Harrods, round two. We split up to tackle this fashion giant and the boys stayed downstairs while we (the girls) went to the 4th floor to enjoy… the pet paradise? Okay, I have to admit… it was my idea. I just miss Bentley so  much. But it was incredible the things they think of for pets. I mean seriously, I almost accidentally ate dog popcorn because it looked so human. We made our way through the gift shop and back out to the streets in search of Buckingham palace, Westminster Abbey, and Big Ben. All also incredibly beautiful.

We were so excited to get back to the room and get some good rest for another travel day tomorrow, but little did we know, some little kid in the West Wing had other plans for all of us.

Now, grab some popcorn and take a look at how fun we are.

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Goodnight world.

Weird. In the best way.

Safro. For those of you unaware of the meaning of a safro, it is an Afro- with sass.

Hense:

Get it?

I can’t even remember what my little brother Will was talking about when he came up with it, but it stuck. And now we all have Safros. English and Parisian safros that is.

Because 9 hours, too many coffees, and 6 safros later- we are HERE!!!!!

So sorry I didn’t get to update sooner! We’ve been going, going, going non-stop!

Let’s just say… we hadn’t slept since America until last night. I am not just speaking for myself when I say I passed out at 8:30 last night and woke up at 10am this morning. So. Much. Walking.

We saw so much yesterday. Of course we arrived during rush hour so we stood quietly in a little corner by the tube waiting until there was enough room for our caravan to travel through as one. They tell you not to take the tube between 8:30 and 10am. Now we know why. Eventually we made it to The Tower of London, which holds the crown jewels, the armor of every king you could think of, and too many torture chambers. Ewh. The exit of the Tower of London spit us out right at the London Bridge, so we stood there a while taking goofy pictures. At this point we were all sleep deprived and delirious, so we decided it would be a good idea to look for food. We ended up at a little pub called Sussex, or Taylor Walkers… we can’t decide which one it actually was. Walked down Oxford street and looked in the windows of all the shops we were too tired to go in. “We’ll come back tomorrow,” I’m sure we all thought. Made our way to Top Shop, and AG got some sunglasses, though everything was a little bit too ridiculous- like more expensive than Urban, Kate. But so dang super cute. Walked through Trafalgar Square, which we actually are coming back to, and walked about 2.3 miles back to our hotel. Phew!

As Anna Grace says, “Long day=great sleep.” And that’s just what we did.

Now enjoy these.

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See? Weird. In the best way.

Not Alone.

The Lord spoke to me today. I know it was Him because of the way He came and went. It was so sweet. And such perfect timing.

This morning I had enough time to be able to go to Panera and study, instead of just sitting at my kitchen table. I love being able to get out of my house and just sit and be for a bit. Such a great way to start the day. 12:30 came to a near and I quickly counted my points*, stuffed all my books in my bag (For those of you who need a visual, I carry about 8 books with me at all times… in hopes that I might have time to crack one open and read a page or two. That usually never happens. At least I look smart.), refilled my coffee and headed to work. 

Work was normal. Ring, ring, hello I’d like to put in a few orders. Tuxedo this, bowtie that.- that sort of thing. But something was different today. 

This morning I studied the security of the Lord. I flipped back a few days in my Jesus Calling and re-read something I’d already read the other day but today it seemed to stick out to me like a sore thumb. It read, “You can feel secure, even in the midst of cataclysmic changes, through the awareness of My continual Presence.”

Wow.

I don’t know about y’all, but I’ve got some serious changing going on in my life that has caused me to lose sight of the powerful presence of our Lord. Don’t ask me why, because if I had really been paying attention I would have realized that security in Him was the answer all along. But my little insignificant brain can’t comprehend all that for some reason. It was so comforting to be reminded of that this morning. He is everywhere, in everything, with everyone. All. The. Time. WHY DO I FORGET THAT!? It kind of almost makes me mad. At myself, of course. Like, why can’t I remember that I am never alone? I do have somewhat of a short-term memory loss thing goin’ on, but I don’t think I am allowed to use that to justify my self-centered mind. Because that’s just what it is…

I go through my day thinking, what the heck, why haven’t I heard from the Lord today. It’s gotta be because it’s all about what I need and not what He needs. Syke. He tells us that He needs us just as much as we need Him. We think, say, scream, “WHY HASN’T HE NOTICED ME????” When all we need to do is step outside our selfish skin and let His presence sink in. I’ve had all eyes on you this whole time, baby girl. I’ve actually been waiting for you to notice Me…

We can get so wrapped up in the world crashing down around us that we only think about how to save ourselves, and not who longs to save us. 

Today was different. Today I felt Him everywhere. In my car, in line at Panera, in my little office space (oh by the way, Becky, I’m gonna need my stapler back.), in the clouds, in the signs I drove by… no seriously… 

I was fully aware of who He was to me today. My Father, my Lover, my Redeemer, my Healer…

My everything.

It’s so simple. Yet so stinkin hard to get through my brain. That all He wants is our love. Our attention. Our requests. Our burdens. That’s the one I’m workin’ on.

I’m not one to dump my burdens on people. I think somehow when I was younger I taught myself that I wasn’t allowed to feel. Hurt. Pain. Anger. Jealousy. Any of those things that would “make me a bad person.” If something’s wrong I could bet you won’t ever know it. Unless your my Ma. She has some weird Mom radar that I could never get past. Nevertheless, I think the reason the words I read today hit me as hard as they did is because at the top of the page, the very first thing, I read, “THIS IS A TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU MUST LEARN TO LET GO: of loved ones, of possession, of control.” Boom. Before I even finished reading that sentence, I already had a list of things that needed to go. 

Of course the first thing was loved ones. I haven’t told you yet, that my dad has been diagnosed with cancer. The doctor said it’s what’s going to kill him. My dad and I don’t have a good relationship, but I’ve witnessed the Lord mending it since we got the news about his health. He was saying to me, let go of your fear of his death. There is enough time. I am building the perfect ending for you right this moment. 

I am learning to let go of a lot of things. Loneliness, selfishness, pride, jealousy. And am becoming so weirdly aware of who I am as a woman of God. I think I love it.

The Lord started speaking to my heart today in Panera, but where I really heard Him loud and clear was in World Market. Of all places. 

When I left LensCrafters after my annual eye exam (Yep, your eyes haven’t changed, see ya next year, and thanks for the money!), I drove straight to World Market for some reason. I think I was in a daze. I didn’t need anything from there. Even as I was drooling over the paintings and picking out the perfect dining room table, I was thinking seriously Taylor, get out of this store. But I kept wandering. Through the picture frames, through the little bathroom decor thingys, through the bedspreads. All of which I wanted… all of which I could live without. While I was wandering I made eye contact with an old man, whom I smiled at, but thought nothing of. I remember seeing him one more time while I was browsing. A bit later I was still looking at the toothbrush holders (really? it’s not that hard, it holds a stick upright. pick one.) and that same old man came around the corner and stood there looking at me for a moment. This is where I would normally say, “Hi!” Or, “Can I help you?” But I didn’t say anything. Then he spoke. “I am not flirting with you, I am as old as your grandpa (that is evident.) But I thought you needed to know that you are absolutely gorgeous. (wow.) I mean stunning. Like I can’t even.. you are breathtaking.” (well, holy crap.)

Let’s take a step back. My hair is air dried- in the biggest frizz ball, my cheeks are red because for some reason the eye doctor makes me nervous- I think it’s because of how close they get to my face then they are saying, “Okay better with 3? Or 4? Now 5? Or back to 4?” And I am wearing the same clothes as yesterday and no make up whatsoever.

I didn’t know what to say to that man. He did not feel creepy at all. I don’t even remember what he looked like. I vaguely remember a bald head and a red shirt… Though I don’t remember reading anywhere if angels wear red shirts or not. Either way, I know he was from the Lord, in one way or another… After I told him thank you and that he made my day, I blinked for a second and he was gone. I didn’t see him again. And I even wandered for a bit longer, picking out a set of coffee mugs that were on sale, sale, sale, because someone had stolen the matching spoons. I have my own spoons, I thought. They sold me on that one. 

He was gone. 

I am still smiling. 

I know that was a message for me from God. But I pray that if that man was a real man and not just a messenger from God, that I might have shone a light to him that he wouldn’t have normally seen.

You see, I believe the Lord was telling me that not only should I be secure in His love for me, but that he is so proud of the condition my heart is in. I heard Him say something about a heart while we were talking tonight. I believe the message I am supposed to get out of everything is this: for His children who will listen, He sees us. Our hearts for him are breathtaking. He delights in us. He deems us worthy. Do not give up. Keep your eyes and mind open for His daily affirmation. He is so proud of you and how you are serving Him.

He’s there. 

We are not alone. Never alone. That could be haunting if we let ourselves think about it that way. But it’s not. He is our comforter. Our shelter. Our shepherd. 

Gosh we are so BLESSED to get to do this together. 

And I am SO excited for the days to come. 

It’s an adventure and we are in it together. 

Feet first, eyes closed, squeezing tight the hand of the Lord. Or I am at least. 

Won’t you join me? 

Goodnight friends. I am going to Kroger to get cilantro and lime to make hummus. Yumm.

*It usually takes me a few tries to get something right… In this case, we are playing Me vs. Weight Watchers: Round 2. If you’ve ever thought about taking a swing at it for the first time, or maybe the third or 15th. I’d highly recommend it. I can seriously still eat anything I want, in moderation. And for some reason I never got that before…. now I do. And it’s working! Hallelujah and praise the Lamb because I really don’t wanna have to do this again.