Tag Archives: jesus

The Love of a Fighter.

First. Watch this.

Now. Listen to this while you read.

So. Many. Emotions. Being a girl sucks.

Actually I love it. Boys are too smelly. Plus we don’t sweat, we sparkle. And that’s pretty cool.

If you have kept up with anything I’ve been doing lately (which… no one does), you might know that my cousins have been missing for the past week. And by missing, I mean no one knew where they were or where to even start looking.
Let’s take a step back. I’ve been trying to contact them for 5 years now. But since I moved back to Knoxville, I feel like I’ve kicked it up a notch. And because they only live 45 minutes away, it’s so easy. Knock on their door, leave letters and notes where they could find them, call, email, sit on the porch until the neighbors get creeped out. I’ve felt like I have been doing everything in my power to fight for them.

We used to be best, best friends.
When we were little we would run around Mama’s house and climb trees, build leaf forts, and write, practice and preform plays that were sure to make us celebrities one day. I also remember the very day I realized I wasn’t 8 anymore and couldn’t climb my favorite tree. I’ll admit that wasn’t my best day.

When we were older we would write songs and sing at the top of our lungs in Mama’s sunroom. Never mind that the whole family was trying to have Thanksgiving dinner in the next room. We were going to be famous for goodness sake.

We were so fun.

Then we grew up… And apart for that matter.

They were, and always will be my family, but for some reason we didn’t keep in touch for the few years between then and now. And I regret that. Maybe I could have changed everything. Maybe I could have prevented all of this. Maybe things would be different.

When I moved back I started visiting at a least once if not twice a month. I’ve done that for almost a year now, and wish I had started sooner. But not one time did anyone answer that front door. But something made me keep going back.

Something good this way comes.

Tonight I spoke with April and Amanda for the first time in five years. I use the word ‘spoke’ loosely because it was mostly broken words between sobs and snorts. I have been praying through what feels like every waking moment for the Lord to bring them home. And not home, in the physical sense. Home to me, to my family, to their dad, to Love. To Comfort. To Peace. To the satisfying, unequivocal, unfaltering, incomparable fighting power of our Holy. Lord. God. Almighty. (Oh law, I’m gettin’ worked up…)

He FIGHTS for us! Did you hear me??

FIGHTS!!! It’s a hold the phone, pause the movie, stop everything, who’s touching my robe in this crowd of 2,000 people kind of Love!! It’s ridiculous! We so don’t deserve it. And just as the Lord gave me the push to keep fighting for my cousins, He pushes so much harder to be the Savior of your soul and mine.

I felt so discouraged because I didn’t do enough. Because I wasn’t mounting up to enough. Because I couldn’t say enough to make them notice or want to see me. But if that ain’t the devil I don’t know what is!

I didn’t know how the Lord was going to use all of this in my heart until today. And although I am, in fact, still wallowing in a glass case of emotion, I know this to be true: The Lord is my FIGHTER. Yeeeeahhh buddy! There is SO much joy in that it’s ridic. (Bear with me, it’s getting late.)

I think I am so big and independent, but truth is, I need someone to fight for me. We all do. I thought all that fighting I was doing was for nothing. But it totally wasn’t. And I see that now.
I can’t wait to start this new life with my beautiful family that I’ve missed so much. They are the Lord’s. They are protected. They are loved. They are safe.

All these things are true for you too. Every waking moment, every sleeping breath, He’s fighting for your life. Gosh, that’s a big bite to chew. He brings us home, to where we belong.

His Love never fails. Go to sleep wrapped up in that comfort, friends.

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Awake My Soul.

Well friends, I come to you with hard news. It won’t be hard for you because it doesn’t really concern you. But it was most definitely hard for me.

Okay, straight to the point.

At the end of last Friday I was called into the principal’s office at work (which has honestly scared me since I was a small child), and was told that I had just worked my last day, and that I was being let go. I wasn’t given much of a reason as to why this was happening, but it was happening nonetheless. This is honestly really embarrassing and not something I would normally write about publicly but I feel like you need to know the hard things too. One of the best ways Christ shines in our lives is when we give him the glory through our pain, right? I feel like this happened so I could take more than just one thing out of it…

  1. The time I have gotten to spend at the best job of my life thus far has given me eyes to see what I am passionate about: kids. I know without a doubt that God put me there to show them His light and to be a place of safety the kids felt like they could come to. I know that I gave it my best, trying to show my students and everyone around me the light of Jesus. Maybe even to the point where other nonbelievers I worked with were offended. But hey, we are going to be persecuted when we follow our Creator. Even if it costs your most valuable possessions, do not give in to being silent about the love of Christ.
  2. You never know when it is going to be the end. We hear this all the time. But do we ever really take it into consideration when going through daily life? I know I didn’t while I was there. Not 20 minutes before I walked into my principal’s office had I been talking to a mom in the car line about how much I loved my job and I didn’t know what I would do without it. We take for granted what we have around us; not knowing that the next few steps we take could be the end. Take joy in what you have around you my friends. Treat each day as if you will never have another.
  3. I feel like somehow God prepared me for this. I think he has been doing that a lot lately. I don’t really know what the plan is yet, but I know he is in full control. It’s almost comical actually, because before I walked into the office I said to a co-worker that I was going to lose my job, she denied that would happen but I knew it was about to be true. Somehow God gave me just a few seconds to prepare my heart for what was coming. Stay connected with the voice of God through out your day so you will not miss the things he has to say. Keep your mind open to hear things that might change your life.
  4. I don’t know what it is yet, but I know God is excited about what I am about to encounter. I can’t wait to see what He has in store for me after this. I have to keep reminding myself that He is in control, and dang it, that’s hard. But the realization brings such comfort and peace. It’s like sitting on the couch with your mama while she holds you. Somehow everything is safe; you know no harm can come to you there. I have come to this conclusion: I truly believe that my job at the school was just a portal into what I am going to do next. The Lord placed me there to discover my love for being with kids. I believe something bigger and better is about to happen that would have caused me to need to quit my job, but the Lord knew there was no way I’d do that alone. So he had to step in and do it himself, even if it meant temporary pain. There is no thing the Lord does not have planned before it happens. He will not cause us to go through pain with no way out. Sarah Young writes in Jesus Calling that as we call on the Lord in our troubled times, he obscures our view with a peaceful fog. Causing us to turn our attention to the present moment, seeing only a few      steps in front of us (p. 335). I don’t know about you, but I am so thankful for that. When I see too much ahead I get anxious and begin to worry. Praise the Lord that he comes in and takes care of that for me, turning my focus to him and the next few steps I need to take. Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot.
  5. Same song, different note… MOST of you know I am deaf in my right ear. Most of you know this only because at some point when we first met you tried to tell me something and I didn’t respond, or really acknowledge your existence. For that I apologize, and politely say, next time sit on my left side. Yesterday I had a doctors appointment. Just a check up… but somehow I knew it was going to be more than that. It’s pretty awesome how God keeps preparing my heart for things to come. What most of you don’t know about my hearing is that when I was 12 I had my 1st surgery to drill this thing called Cholesteatoma out of my head. It ate away at my hearing bones and, if I don’t keep an eye on it, could get to my brain. Now, we aren’t going to let that happen, but it helps you understand that it’s a little more serious than I usually make it out to be. 3 more surgeries and countless check up’s later, it’s back. Nothing to be really afraid of, just something we need to take action on. My point is- having this surgery in the next few months would have caused me to have to miss about 6 weeks of work. More than I could afford to miss, probably enough to make me need to quit… Do you see what I am getting at here?

Even though I may not always agree with or like it, God ALWAYS knows what he is doing. I am not saying that surgery is the sole reason all of this happened, or that I am even beginning to understand everything God is doing. I do not tell you all of this for you to feel sorry for me, or try and give me the answers. I want you all to see the control God has in our lives. I want you to see how He always steps in to save. I want you to understand that even in the hard times He is the only one that knows what is coming next. I hope this is encouragement for you to keep pushing. I will keep you updated on where God sends me next. I pray for the Lord to place a fog around you to keep you focused on the steps right in front of you. Don’t let the worries of tomorrow misguide you today. Keep your eyes focused friends, and you will never be led astray.

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